Home > Jim > Panic attacks aren’t fun.

Panic attacks aren’t fun.

 

Wow.  Today sucked.

Since last Friday, Jim was showing signs of real panic.  Complete inability to sleep, no appetite and getting quite upset at times during the day.  However, today was the actual Panic Attack.  The one Xeloda put him right over the edge.  (He’s so strong, and wants to beat this cancer so badly, but I honestly don’t know how he took that pill this morning.)    He managed to mostly hold it together, until we were in the car on our way to the doctor’s office for his weekly CBC’s.  That’s when he lost it.

I have known Jim for 18 years, and never have I seen his mind in such a state.  He is normally such a rational thinker, and never ever melodramatic.  This medicine just messes with his mind too much.  His frustration is palpable.  It is simply too personal to describe Jim’s behavior, but he said one thing that nearly caused me to lose it myself.  “Is Sarah safe?”  I instantly said, “Yes, she’s asleep with your mother, back home.”  Then, he repeats over and over, “It’s ok, she’s safe.”  Really?  Does he need this crap anymore?  We’ll find out next Monday…

Anyways, we get to the doctor’s office, and as I’m signing Jim in, Leah sees Jim.  (Thank you God for putting this angel in our path.)  He’s telling her he just can’t take the Xeloda anymore that it’s too close to the scans, and she’s giving me very concerned looks.  Very gently, while patting his arm, she says she’ll have Dr. Deleon talk with us.  As he’s getting his blood drawn, she takes me aside to get the whole story.  After Jim nearly takes apart the chair in the waiting room, Dr. Deleon came in and quickly assessed Jim’s condition.  He said don’t worry about taking the Xeloda this week, just don’t do it.  Then, he told Jim that right now he was to receive a tranquilizer to stop his racing mind, and that his Xanax dose was way too low.  But, what I liked best was when he kindly told Jim not to think too far into the future, just think about right now – for now. 

Jim seems better tonight.  Just very tired.

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