Home > Jim > We had a beautiful White Christmas

We had a beautiful White Christmas

It has snowed during the two Christmas’ Sarah has spent in Lubbock.  I think she noticed the snow this time a bit more than the first time.

I believe we all did pretty well considering how much we were missing Jim.  I felt it most acutely while Sarah was opening her presents.  I had to help her at least start tearing the wrapped presents, untie bows on the bags and take pictures of her doing it because she was really cute.  (Justin was kind enough to take video time away from Mason’s first Christmas to video Sarah too.)  However, I didn’t even attempt pictures at the Morris Christmas party that night. 

That was a nice party.  Good food.  I ate way too many of Anne’s tiny stuffed tomatoes.  It was nice to see everyone there.  Sigh.  I probably shouldn’t mention this because I definitely don’t want anyone worrying about it since there’s no way to avoid it.  Everyone there had somebody, but me.  I saw beautiful lives just starting, and wonderful long-time loves.  I knew it was coming, but it’s very hard to stomp down on my jealousy.  It would flare-up red and I’d shake it off asap.  What a yucky feeling.  Hopefully, this is just part of what happens during the “year of first’s.”

Categories: Jim
  1. Betty McNallen
    December 30, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Yes, it hurts. It is difficult to admit that you envy those who ‘have it all together’ – or so it seems. Better times are coming for you. I don’t know when, just know that they are. Each of us experiences gaps in what we assume to be our life plan. Sometimes it happens after a loss, sometimes just because. It is all a part of our growth process. I think that it is also part of learning that we have to acknowledge our shadow side even as people of faith. Shadow side? You mean i’m not always happy and smiling, kind and forgiving? Yup, that shadow side is there also. What did someone say…without clouds you might not appreciate sunny days? Without valleys you might not fullyl enjoy the mountain peaks. Sending you a ton of love as this year comes to an end. Peace and healing to you…and to me, too.

    • January 1, 2012 at 1:36 am

      Betty, Oh, I know I have this darker side, and over the years I have found that it’s ok to have, as long as it remains weak. A struggle I am now finding is how to show Sarah I am a strong woman, when I’m really not feeling like it, and still be genuine? Sometimes I have to stop, take a deep breath and tell myself to “pull it together,” before entering a room Sarah is in. I am definately looking forward to enjoying the sun again someday. I just have to rearrange my brain to think that way, and I have to do it sooner rather than later, for Sarah too.

      Thank you for the thoughts of love and peace and healing. ditto.

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