Home > Beckie > My personal little butterfly

My personal little butterfly

 

“Daughters are like butterflies, each one is different, each one is special, each one is beautiful.”

 

I have to use the butterfly analogy one more time.

I had wanted to dress Sarah as a butterfly for Halloween.  She has always been so butterfly-like: happy, flitting from one activity to another, always trying to enjoy the moment.  I am constantly trying to keep myself from coming in as a “grown-up” and shutting that part of her down, just to make life easier for me.  There are lots of deep-breaths involved and telling myself to “let her do it.”  Remember how grown-ups are described in Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s The Little Prince?  I have never wanted to be one of those incredibly boring grown-ups so that a child has to bring themselves down to my level to explain things.  Sarah needs to have as much joy as she can create, and while keeping her safe, I will enjoy her glow.

Then, sometimes, she remembers Daddy.  But, even when she becomes sad because she is missing Daddy, it is a brief thing.  Watching her thoughts is like watching a butterfly flit from one flower to another.   It is something I wish I could do – to release the bad thoughts, or memories, instead of getting stuck in them.  It would be such a kindness.   I studied to become a yoga instructor for a while, and you are taught various ways to meditate.  But, basically, meditating involves quieting the mind so you can let go of the thinking, the judging, the opinions, the analyzing, the questioning, the doubting, and just love.  To become child-like. 

This is why children are like magnets.  Why they make us smile.  Why Jim and I both had “Sarah smiles.”  The way they think is the way we all wish we still could.  We remember, softly, how it felt.  It is a little sad that as grown-ups we have to sit still, focus and try, without any interruptions, to release and just innocently love.

If a child shows you a picture, and asks you what you see, open your heart and make up something crazy.  They will love that, like the butterfly, they don’t have to come down to your level.

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  1. Billlie Cooper
    January 17, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Butterflies are another gift from God! 😉

    • January 17, 2012 at 8:44 am

      God’s gifts are always so beautiful.

  2. Susan Hill
    January 17, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Thank you Beckie for sharing your heart. I love getting your e-mails. You make me smile.
    You are in my prayers. I went through what you are going through now, but I must say your outlook is much more positive than mine was. I truly admire you. I know there are and will be tough times, but Sarah is a special gift to keep you God centered as my Melissa was and still is.

    God Bless You!

    • January 17, 2012 at 8:55 am

      Your name is very familier. Are you here in Johnson City? So sorry you have been through this. I’m glad you are reading and enjoy my blog. I would think it could be hard on you. Every week I try to find something positive to think and write honestly about. It’s not always very easy, but I think it helps pull me out of the muck. This one was last minute for me, and just fell out of my head. It actually surprised me. I’m grateful for your prayers – thank you.

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  4. Joni
    January 23, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I must tell you again that I love you. Every time I put a piece of mail in your box I am reminded to lift your name to the great Healer and ask that He bless you again and again. On the days when I most wish I could retire and not spend so many hours of my life inside the walls of the post office, I have to say thank you to God for the reminders that I get while I am there of precious people.

    I went to see Crystal a few weeks ago and I got to babysit for a couple of days while she and David had their first post baby get away. It was very sweet and very strange because Ernest was not able to go with me. I thought of you and the bittersweet moments you must have enjoying your precious little one……but doing it without Jim there.

    Looking forward to a day soon when I can come see you and visit.

    • January 26, 2012 at 8:32 am

      Thank you for thinking of me while you deliver my mail. What a nice thing to know. We are all so very lucky to have you at the post office.

      Aren’t you nice to give them time for a post-baby get-away. Thanks for putting yourself in my shoes for a moment – don’t do it too often. It is bittersweet because I know how much he would enjoy her. I actually noticed something yesterday, and it hit me hard, probably being 4 months since he passed didn’t help either. Not only do I miss his love, but I miss the love between Sarah and him. It felt so good to watch their love. It was precious.

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