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Posts Tagged ‘single mom’

Is the show “Go On” realistic?

October 4, 2012 2 comments

The widow blog I subscribe to, Widowed Village, asked us to watch the show and then do a massive group review.  Before her request, I had no idea of the show’s premise.  Ever since Sarah was born, I try not to get hooked on new shows because I don’t really have time for tv.  However, I recorded it and watched it yesterday.  I would say the producers/network took a really big gamble by attempting to find humor in a new widower’s life.  I’ve only watched one show, but I’d say they did a darn good job.  Because of the situation this is probably one of the most well thought out shows.  It felt like a sitcom on the surface, with deeper tones if you wanted to see it, and an occasional splash of real feelings.  I had many similar feelings and thoughts as Matthew Perry’s character.  He just articulates it better.  I appreciate the show. 

But, of course, a child is not involved.  You couldn’t tastefully make that funny. 

Most of you read this on a regular basis, so you see how I try to find the sad, odd and unique humor in being a widow.  Jim and I had a quite morbid humor starting a few months after his diagnosis.  It’s normal, but we tried not to do it in front of others.  You have probably heard the saying, “You have to laugh to keep from crying.”  I am still walking that fine line on a daily basis.  Jim had a better sense of humor than me, so I try to see how he would look at ridiculous situations that I run into.

Sarah:  Last weekend, we got to ride Thomas the Train when he came to Burnet.  Sarah had a blast and was sad when we couldn’t go back the next morning.  However, I came across a problem that is not going to go away.  On the way home, I could see Sarah becoming sad.  I asked what was wrong.  She got that “look” and said she missed her daddy.  I took a deep breath, guessing the problem, and asked if she noticed the other daddies there (like I had).  She simply nodded her head.  I paused.  Then, I said I knew he wanted to be there with her.  I knew he would have had fun with us, and that I’m sure he was watching her have fun.  I hope that was the right thing to have told her.   

If there are going to be a ton of daddies around, I am of the mind to take her only to high quality, memory-making events and not run-of-the-mill ones.  It has to be worth her noticing the other kids have daddies (jealously) and for her to notice her daddy’s absence (sadness).  Yes, we have to get use to these feelings, but I’m not into doing it constantly.  What would you do?

Unfortunately, we were (I was) sized up at the event.  I felt demeaned and angry that I felt that way.  The woman in charge of economic development for the City of Burnet was conducting a survey.  She interviewed the dad in front of me, looked solidly at me, then skipped me and proceeded to interview the dad behind me.  You better bet I drove straight home when we left.  And how much do you think I want to go back to that town?  This happened the day after Sarah’s Stonewall Head Start/Ag-Extension Service sent home a registration form for a reading program asking for only the father’s information on the front, and on the back did not include widow/widower in the marital status section.  Head Start and the Ag-Extension Service each got a signed letter from me. 

I’m tired of this.  If I need to, I will single-handedly educate the entire Hill Country and become a huge single mother advocate.  I rarely point out that I’m a widow because I know it makes most people uncomfortable to discuss it and they typically can’t relate anyways.  However, I am not going to roll over and act as if all this ignoring is ok either.  I didn’t change.  The situation changed.

Note:  I forwarded a link to this blog entry to the economic department of the City of Burnet hoping for an explanation.  Both women conducting the survey quickly sent me long and very kind emails.  I completely read that long look the wrong way.  They were trying to not be disruptive to the event by not asking the same people to do the survey twice and by trying to asking every other family.  There were more things that happened this past week that I haven’t even mentioned, so I believe I’m especially raw at the moment.  Go to Burnet.  I will – especially to ride Thomas again next year.  Probably sooner to eat at the Cookie Café and Bakery on the square…

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“Momma can do it”

January 10, 2012 7 comments

One day last week the house really looked like a toddler lived in it.   And Sarah now enjoys acting, but not yet saying, “I can do it.”  So, when I started washing the dishes, I jokingly told Sarah, “Momma can do it.”  Then, I instantly had a flashback to when Jim was first diagnosed and I was having a major shift in the way I had to think.  I would stand at the sink and tell myself, “I can do it,” over and over.

I was talking to a very good friend on Sunday, and she told me that she doesn’t feel sorry for me.  Then, she realized that might sound bad and started to clarify herself.  Knowing her, I knew what she meant, so I stopped her by saying, “I don’t want you to, I don’t want anyone to.”  She and I both know I’m a strong person.  There is no doubt I never ever wanted to actually have to be this strong.  Prior to now I had the opportunity to play the part of a strong woman: hydrogeologist, environmental politician and general manager.  Sounds good, and I thought of myself as a strong woman, but that wasn’t real strength.  What I did with Jim took real strength.  As a widow and single mom, getting Sarah and I through the next year and beyond, that’s also going to take real strength.

Let’s talk about how people tend to gain strength.  Usually you go through some sort of fire, but it takes courage to go through it.  In no way am I saying I am a courageous person.  But, I have found that it takes courage to move forward when you are almost frozen with fear.  The following quote by Ambrose Redmoon says it best, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”  My husband was, and my daughter is, more important than any fear I own.

I decided to get on the internet to look for examples of courageous or strong mothers.  I’m trying to find someone I can possibly identify with.  While I haven’t yet found my situation, and attitude, I did find a good list of Strong Mothers (SM2) and Widows that I thought I should share.   They are all “Momma can do it” mothers.